Regrets...

I always say I don't have any regrets and that I seize the moment and live life to it's fullest. Somehow that seems like a lie, and reflecting on all the things taht have occured in the past and present, I find that I do indeed have regrets...

Some regrets were based on actions carried out selfishly whilst "living for my moment", so it comes full circle... karma is a tricky business. I did something which I'm still suffering the guilt for and I can't let anyone know because it was solely my decision and my actions that made it happen and now I suffer in silence. Maybe it's a punishment to myself, maybe I'm just sadistic that way.

Some regrets were out of my control, in hindsight I obviously would have acted differently and maybe would have said something or done something more. My major regret is not gettting to know my father enough and not having the guts to tell him, " I am your freaking daughter! Treat me like one!" But shit happens and he's having fun playing happy families with "his" family in another distant country

Other regrets were based purely on my adolescent years and things that I did which whilst fun back then, have haunted me frequently...
Things like setting up to meet guys with my best friend in a shopping mall and standing far away and checking them out and finding out that we didn't want to meet them anyways and ditching them and laughing at them at a distance for a long time.
Things like taking my friends for granted and using them to the fullest whilst not understanding their situation whilst they understood mine perfectly.
Things like taking my mother and sister for granted and did whatever I wanted through college because I felt rebellious and that nobody in my family understood me and that my friends did.

I constantly vow that I will be a better person, and that I wouldn't take things for granted and that things happen for a reason and through my actions, consequences occur whether I like it or not. Religion has suddenly hit me full in the face and my belief in God has increased, somehow, I still act stupidly and not find the time to pray as much as I want or do more charitable things that I wish I had the time and money for...

Some say that by acknowledging these misdeeds and vowing to do better is already a step forward, but every step I take forward seems to me to be two steps back *sigh*

Regrets... I have none... I have so many...