Megalomaniac

Amidst the crowd, the smell of stale denim, the sweat of harried workers, I found gems.

Sparkling, shiny and new, with you I will be famous. With you, I shall achieve super stardom. With you I will die happy.

Spotlight, ON! Glamorous and fabulous, I will be!

It's been a long journey, but there's more to come. You can't just be the one. There must be other's out there. New, shiny, black and glossy. You are mine to keep.

Mine!!!

Note:
Just in case you think I've lost my mind. I've got myself a new pair of Ksubi sunnies. Several pairs actually... Muahahaha *evil laughter*

Candy Coloured Lights

If feelings and emotions were the sound of music, then what I'm feeling now is very in tune with Kings of Leon.

I quote:
Bertie Wooster:[having just finished playing "Forty-Seven Ginger-Headed Sailors"]
Really speaks to me, that song, you know, Jeeves.

Jeeves: I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pictures finally uploaded, friends finally meet, a non-too akward reunion. Life is just dandy. Surrounded by drinks (ah alcohol, thou art surely one's best friend), food, and colleagues of old, it's like time never passed and I'm living the same dream.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, one must awaken from delusions, even if it isn't too grandiouse

Happy Birthday O Brother of Mine...

Oh goodie goodie, family meet tonight, how shall I fend off questions?

"What have you been doing? What do you do all day? What are your plans?"

All I really want to do is run and hide my head under a pillow. Stop bugging. Stop asking. I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it.

Failed again I have in life. I don't think I'm ever good enough for any of you.

From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabin

Mummy, what shall I be when I grow up?

Should I be a painter?
But I cannot afford the canvas,
Should I be a writer?
But I have no creative flair,
Should I be an actor?
But I tend to overdramatize,
Should I be a singer?
But I tend to whine,
Should I be an accountant?
But I hate numbers,
Should I be a lawyer?
But I don't like confrontation,
Should I be a superhero?
But I have no abilities,
Should I be a supervillain?
But I hate blood and gore.

Oh what should I be,
In times of strife,
Should I just accept me,
Or should I be deprived,
It's not so easy,
To just be me,
I could be a poet,
But I lack rhyme,
Maybe if I just practice,
I will get better with time.

Oh Mummy, what should I be?
A doctor, lawyer or a banker,
Those just aren't me.
Somebody please tell me.

Sleeping to Dream

That's a Jason Mraz Song by the way (JP you know it's your fault!)

I had such a weird vivid dream. And I shall jot it down here, only because it is extremely weird and ended with Hungry Jacks (yUmMMm).

I was paddling on a surfboard (I dont know how or why) in the middle of the sea somewhere, when my mobile started ringing. It was my sister, asking me when was the last time I saw my stepmum. And I told her, I haven't, I've only emailed her. SO, I hang up the phone and started paddling with my dad back towards the beach resort (which was like a village on stilts). On our way back to the beach, we saw this huge wave crashing down on us (which didn't hit us), carrying a whole platoon of people.

The wave brought them away from the beach. They looked like villagers washed away from some Polynesian island.

Then we noticed that the water levels were rising. So, dad and I ran into the hotel and started to tell people to pack up and go to the highest level of the building. No one was taking as seriously. Which was very frustrating.

The area where there used to be grass was quickly filling up with seawater. Meanwhile, I was trying to argue with the tourist shopkeeper to dash upstairs and forget about packing his store as it was on the ground level. No hope.

I ran upstairs and knocked on every door (Amazing how much time or how little time there is in a dream), asking everyone to get the hell out and pack whatever they could.

Then I ran back to my own room, and started packing everything. Dad came into the room and said we had to go. And I started crying cos I hadn't packed my sunglasses (this would not happen in real life!!!). He started shouting to go. And I started cursing all the other people that were stubborn and wasting my time before. Big waves were crashing everywhere. The sound was similar to a very loud thunder.

We ran to the car. There were about 5 other people there with us (4 wheeler) and a dog? Then we started driving (the water didn't seem to be in our way anymore). There were so many cars all jammed up in the opposite direction and we had a smooth drive.

We pulled into Hungry Jacks drive-thru. And then...

I WOKE UP!.... what the??!!!

Now what does this dream say? I'm hungry? I can secretly paddle? I have issues?

Bubbly

After such a pleasant weekend, I'm still feeling the after effects... My toes are all tingly, my heart flutters, and it's seriously such a bubbly feeling!

When will I get the chance again? So happy and in love again, it makes me sick... and yet.. I'm loving every minute of it.

Only good things can come now... La di da... WuhOoOOoOOoo...

Oh and yes, I know how to fix chairs from Fantastic furniture really well, not so well with the tables =P

Carefree lifestyles of the new generation although bogged down with so many issues and stresses, we don't show it at all. And the older generation hates us for it. Do we care? The sun is still shining and our worries are there, nothing can be done to harp on about it.

Goodnight, Travel Well

9 years have gone by, in a blink of an eye. I vowed to myself that I'd never forget the day that you left us behind and went on a new journey to the sky ahead of us, yet astonishingly and with deep sorrow, I forgot the day of your passing.

I still remember your voice, your words, your dreams, your visions... there's nothing else to say, you're gone.

Finally, I've moved on. Yet. It's unexcusable to have forgotten the day itself. But your memories remain strong with me.

Are the angels enjoying your presence? Are you shining up there as you were down here in our dreary mundane world? Do you think of me?

I miss you so. Goodnight, Travel Well.

Stupid For You

The scent of the air marks the beginning of any typical weekend. Already you walk ahead of me, sure footsteps.

And then, you turn around with a bright smile and surprise me with a road trip. Yay!! Undescribable joy. We walk hand in hand, smiles, salty air tangles in our hair, never letting go.

Everything I ask for, I receive this weekend. Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!!!!!!

Night falls, I hear you come to bed and forever grateful and thankful, I feel your arms wrap around me and sigh contentedly. I drift away, peaceful dreams of a day well spent.

Shinobi vs Dragon Ninja

"Moon River what you do to me?", is what Brandon Flowers (The Killers) is crooning to me right now on my playlist...

The sounds of fighting and shouting in Japanese is rampant behind me as the boy searches for the Ninja within him playing his new King Of Fighters Arcade game... I can hear it clearly, "ROUND 1 - FIGHT!"

Weekend has returned to it's norm, where by we have our Saturday ritual of attending breakfast in our local Maccas joint, followed by a meaningless walk around Chadstone and admiring the displays in windows and smiling faces around us.

The sun is still hiding behind streaks of clouds, as though shame faced. The dust still hasn't settled around Melbourne.

When will I find the motivation to step out into my land of sand castles and seashells. Hoping for a message in a bottle or even a simple bronze lamp to make my wishes come true...

I wish for blue skies and mornings like a Disney cartoon... sing little birds sing!! Where no one dies, and they live happily ever after.

From Inside...

Good morning Melbourne!

It is a fine day today with the sky threathening to dump some well deserved water on us. Coming soon... Like a long awaited sequel to the horror nightmare, the sky tells us, Coming soon to a drought near you.

Other weather news around Australia. Too much water, "Why is it raining down on us?"

Due to some shortsightedness from the skies above, the long awaited sequel for Melbourne has debut in the wrong part of town.

Such is life.

Climate change, global warming, global economic crisis... let's all just huddle in our beds and wait for the sun to come back up.

Time for some hocus pocus, voodoo, spell incantations... Beam me up Scotty.. I've had enough!

Again Again

Spirals.. spiralling... we were going round in circles... grasping and trying to make belive that all was ok.

Laughter, twinkling away our worries. No talk of the future, or the past. Just living in the moment.

New friends, old friends... a beautiful creation and one mutters to oneself.. that was a highly productive day filled with joy, laugther, and sparkly things.

Volcano can't top my spicy Mexican.

Again Again...!!!

One Sweet Day

8 years... you choose to speak to me now... after 8 years

Your excuse, you didn't want to get hurt, you had to go away. Well frankly Mr. Wolf, I still don't understand.

You say you had to sacrifice my happiness, your happiness to find yourself? What about me? I seem to have lost myself and found it through other means. When other people are speaking proudly of their fathers, I stand silent... I know nothing. How can I be proud of you?

Silence for 8 years.... so many things have passed by, so many things that I wanted to say and have said in my mind and dreams, so many memories have been buried, so many feelings and emotions been left to dry in the dust. Suddenly they spring unbidden to the surface.

Would I, Could I learn to forgive? Indeed, understanding is all we long for, all we hope for.

Maybe I wasn't the horrible daughter left behind to grieve for a lost cause... maybe there is hope. But it won't be the same ever again...

There's always a rainbow after the rain.

Let's start at the very beginning.

Hello. Nice to meet you. I am your daughter...

Letting go...

So many things to say. Wish it was all as easy as a click of a button and "delete" was an option.

I said my goodbyes... thoughts and memories come unbidden to the mind.

Flash of light, the scent of car fragrance gone by. Whiskers. Oh. Heart flutters. Butterflies. Eyes. Words. Just precious words.

Convinced, or did I always know?

It's never easy, wish I could press rewind... and undo the time.. replay...take back the pain, retrace all the wrong I made...

It is so hard. Was it over at the beginning? Did it end at hello?

A new beginning is around the corner.

Moving forward, no backward glances now...just go.

The storm is passing... I can feel it.

Letting go...

So what's the story morning glory?

Wake up and smell the coffee , but everything is still the same stagnant pile of mess I returned to.

When will this never ending cycle feeling of despair, hopelessness, sunshine, downpour, torment seize?

Take one step at a time, one step. And fall back 3 spaces, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

We can always hope and pray... but how much longer... how long?

What's the plan now brown cow?

Chasing Pavements...

Just like Adele's song, I feel that is exactly what I am doing right now...

Should I be enjoying my free time at home and just bum around or should I try and be gung-ho and attack my new life with a vengeance (clearly I've been reading to many fantasy/sci-fi/adventure books in my free time lately!)

I tried out my brand new skipping rope today... eagerly stepped out into the haze outside and braved inhaling and filling my lungs with smoke and started jumping... and then I realised, it isn't as fun as and:

A.) I remembered from childhood days this was easier and more fun
B.) It requires a lot of energy to keep jumping
C.) I'm going to give up after 30 jumps (which I did!)

So I'm back here instead in front of my monitor listening to a random music of Jason Mraz, Adele and Britney... 2 out of 3 isn't that bad... Next song on the playlist is T.I.... so who say's I don't have a wide range of music taste?

Why hasn't my store of books revealed a secret scroll or a prophecy somewhere that entails saving the world and awakening some hidden power that allows me to finally achieve my "destiny"?

*sigh* Back to my books I suppose...

Torn...

Now that I'm unemployed, the likelihood of securing something permanent is looking very slim, on account of there being so many other's that are redundant. There aren't that many jobs in the market at the moment as well that I'm qualified to work as.

So I'm thinking, maybe I should take the opportunity and use Air Asia's cheap promotion and fly back to KL for about 8 weeks and have a good time relaxing and spending time with family and friends. However, I am also a bit broke, and not too sure if I can afford to spend any more money.

On the other hand, I think I would spend $500 by staying in Melb for 2 months not doing anything either.

Another reason that's still got me hesitating and not packing my bags already is that I have no car (can't drive, I know I know) and no computer or internet in KL.. *gasp*... all I have is satelite tv, which allows me to watch MTV Asia and Chanel V all day long.. HmMMmmmm

Dilemma, what do I do? Pro's and Con's are very nicely balanced on this scale... My heart says stay and go, my brain says stay and go too... should I leave it to chance and flip a coin?

Caged

This was how I was feeling today as I was waiting for my train into the city. Not that I'm actually living in a cage or anything like that... I was just feeling nostalgic, should I stay or should I go? Torn on what to do, torn on what decisions to make.

What if I go home for 1-2 months and slack off, and miss out on a myriad of opportunities here?

What to do?

And then I saw...



IF this old lady is not letting age stop her, what am I whinging about?

Who'd Have Known

So... I took a vote on what activities I should take up to cure my boredom...

I have to go around and fully utilise my monthly ticket and take pictures of Melbourne and possibly write about it =)

I've just realised that I've been living in Melbourne for nearly 7 years.. and I haven't actually been to many sights or seen many of the beautiful or quirky things that make Melbourne... And I call myself Melburnian!! Oh the shame...

Tomorrow, I will be going through step 1 in my quarter life crisis... hair cut.. then catching up with Elly... taking in the sights of Carlton? We shall see.

Take 2

I can't understand why it is sooooo boring to stay at home alone doing all the things I can do!!

When I was working (yes recent redundancy has hit me as well), I couldn't wish for more to just wake up late and stay at home... NOW that I'm at home... it's kinda boring...

Take note. I woke up at 9am today (god knows why) and made a mug of coffee which I'm still drinking and it's close to 11am... i did 40 sit ups... danced around for 15 minutes... sang my heart out to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (how embarassing) and am now typing this up...

What else is there to do? I could go out and do some grocery shopping. I could go to the post office and send Steph's baby present, I could do some house chores (shivers), or I could get started on my Cert IV papers... but instead I'm sitting here typing with Katy Perry singing behind me.. "You're so gay you don't even like boys!"

Note to self: Get new albums!

Goodness.. how time flies!!

In a blink of an eye... time really passes by quickly.. and due to recent circumstances.. I have decided to pick this up again...

I just realised how angry and moody my other posts have been... and somehow all the feelings I felt back then doesn't feel that important anymore... yes, i still feel the pain, heartache and resentment... but it's really not that important...

I guess, the maturity has finally hit, and I'm now.. Yes... Hating to admit it, OLD...

We shall see how long it takes for me to stop this blogging...